


Tomorrow

by kitkatty



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst, M/M, Past Rin/Haru, rin baby omg i'm sorry D:, won't let go
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-05
Updated: 2015-03-05
Packaged: 2018-03-16 10:00:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3484043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kitkatty/pseuds/kitkatty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>And it's okay, for the most part. Loving Haru is a part of who Rin is; if he didn't love him, he's not sure he'd be the same person. He'll smile and be happy for Makoto and Haru - and mean it, most of the time. It's only one day a year, the day that would have been his and Haru's anniversary, that he lets himself cry until he's sick over all the stupid, romantic things he'd dared hope he could ever have.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tomorrow

**Author's Note:**

> A fill for the kink meme, of course! The prompt can be found [here](http://iwatobiswimclub.dreamwidth.org/2701.html?thread=3630221#cmt3630221)! The summary is from the prompt, cause it summarizes so well.
> 
> This is just a little drabble I filled several months ago. I dug it up recently and decided I should post it!

The group of friends sat around a table at a pub, laughing and catching up. It had been ages since Rin had seen all his friends together, and he was truly grateful to see them again, but he was not his usual self today. He chanced another glance over to Haruka, who was looking at him with a worried look on his face as Makoto's hand rested on his hip. Yup, that was about all he could take. Rin was glad he'd opted for the outside seat of the booth.

"Well, I'd better be heading home, I've got practice in the morning." Rin leaned back and finished off his beer before waving over the waiter to pay his tab.

"Aaaaaaw, but Rin-chan!!!! We came so far to see you!!" Nagisa clung to his arm as he tried to stand up.

"Nagisa! Don't be rude, Rin-san still has to keep to his schedule, he's not on vacation like us!"

"And he's already taken a lot of time to spend with us."

Nagisa didn't seem convinced, but decided to pout and sip on his beer instead of objecting further. Rin chuckled and ruffled his hair. "Nagisa, I'll see you in a few day's when you come to watch us race!"

"Oh yeah, I'm excited to see Rin-chan and Haru-chan race again!!"

"Well, we'll see you guys then. Don't slack off, Haru!" Rin had addressed Haru, but couldn't bring himself to make eye contact. Haruka clicked his tongue but didn't respond. Waving over his shoulder, Rin put his hat on as he left the bar. He hoped the brim of his hat hid his face, as he barely got outside before the tears started. 'Why today....' Rin hiccuped and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand before starting to jog to his apartment, hoping the run would help distract him.

\---

Everyone at the table watched Rin leave, the obvious tension in his shoulders betraying his true emotions to his friends. Nagisa looked worriedly back to his friends, but not before catching Rin reach up to his face as he disappeared from sight.

"What's wrong with Rin? He was way too chatty tonight, he almost seemed anxious."

"Yeah, I noticed it too, Rin-san was not himself today. Definitely different from the other times we've seen him this trip."

"I can't imagine why he'd be anxious, he's never acted this way before a competition before."

At that, everyone turned their eyes to Haruka, who was clutching at his empty glass, brow furrowed. He knew Rin best of all of them, and it seemed to them that he knew exactly what was wrong.

"...Haru?"

"Today... it would have been our 7 year anniversary..."

Everyone immediately tensed. Makoto reflexively removed his hand from touching Haruka, something he subconsciously did every time Haruka's relationship with Rin came up. Makoto still felt bad about it, like he himself was the cause for Rin's pain, even though he knew it wasn't true. Haruka and Rin had been together for just short of 4 years, but Makoto hadn't gotten together with Haruka until a year and a half after their breakup. He knew Rin was happy for them and he would never want to lose him as a friend, but he still wished there was something he could do.

Haruka glanced over to Makoto and, sighing, grabbed his hand which he'd just moved from his waist. "Makoto, you don't have to do that every time."

"Ah... I'm sorry Haru... it's just kind of a reflex I guess...."

"It's fine. I just.... This was why he wasn't going to come with us today."

"Oh, Haru-chan, I'm sorry! I shouldn't have pressured him to come! I just... I just wanted to see him as much as possible before we went home again."

Haruka looked to Nagisa and smiled warmly. "I understand, Nagisa."

"I feel like we should apologise to Rin-san..."

Makoto shook his head. "I think, for Rin's sake, we should just not say anything. It was probably pretty hard for him to come out tonight."

"Uuuaaaaaah, I feel terrible!!! I can't believe I made Rin-chan deal with that..... I'll have to make it up to him! When do we get to see him next?"

"After his and Haruka-san's race. We have a boat tour planned for the day after that."

"Okay! Rei-chan, we're going to make that the BEST BOAT TOUR EVER!!"

Makoto chuckled as Nagisa and Rei planned how to make sure Rin enjoyed the remainder of their trip. Glancing at Haruka, he frowned slightly at the sight of his boyfriend staring absently into his glass.

"Haru, are you okay? Did you want to head back to the hotel?"

"No, Makoto, I'm fine. I... I feel bad for him, but," Haruka looked Makoto in the eyes with a serious expression, "I don't regret it. My time with him, or you."

"Haru..."

Leaning up, Haruka kissed Makoto gently. The taller man melted into the kiss, almost forgetting their setting. Until, of course, Nagisa squealed and tossed a napkin at them.

"Get a room, you two!"

"N-nagisa, not so loud!"

Haruka tossed Nagisa a glare as Makoto chuckled sheepishly, before they waved down the waiter for another round.

\---

Rin leaned against his door as it closed behind him, heaving in a shaky breath as he crumpled to the floor. Wrapping his arms around himself he squeezed his eyes shut, trying to will away the images of Haruka from his mind. The little smiles that used to be for him, how he'd roll his eyes at his stupid jabs, how he looked when he was asleep in his arms... He remembered everything, every single thing of their time together. The way his face would scrunch up when they fought, how he would get distant when he was holding something back instead of confronting him. 

Communication had been their worst trait, and it ended up ruining everything. Rin wondered if maybe they hadn't gotten together when they were so young, maybe if they'd had time to mature by themselves before trying to grow together, maybe they could have worked things out better. He remembered the hole he'd punched in the wall of their old apartment, the broken plates and the shouting. But he also remembered the passionate kisses, the needy touches, how his skin felt like it was on fire as they pressed against each other. He remembered how Haru called his name over and over, how he'd grab his hair and hold him tight. And how they'd get up early to jog together, the next day, both choosing to forget the fight. Rin would clean up the broken dishes while Haru was in the bath, sweeping up their problems along with the shattered porcelain.

Rin didn't want to remember, but he always did. He wondered if Haru and Makoto dealt with the same kind of problems. He wondered if they would fight, make up, have sex, and then pretend it never happened. He wondered if they'd do it enough to cause a crack in their relationship, something that would grow over time, and maybe send Haru running back to him.

Clenching his teeth, Rin slammed his fist into the wall behind him. That wasn't what he wanted. He didn't want Makoto to have to suffer like he did. He didn't want Haruka to go through that again. He just... He wanted to go back in time and fix it. He wanted to go back and talk things over, he wanted to not punch the wall and break the plates, and maybe they would go to a counsellor instead and work things out. He wanted to try harder than either of them ever did to fix it. But that was never going to happen, that was years in the past. Each passing year should have been easier, but it wasn't. There was a wall in his mind that tallied the days without Haru, he knew he could never let him go.

When Rin brought his hand back to wipe his tears away, he noticed he was bleeding. He must have caught his hand on a stray nail near the door, but was too worked up to notice. He watched the blood drip down his arm and started sobbing anew. 'I'm such a fucking mess...' Rin chastised himself as he fell to his side, curling in further onto himself and letting his tears fall to the floor. He'd pick himself up later, clean himself up, and cry himself to sleep in bed. But for now, all he could do was sob into the floor, feeling sick to his stomach as he replayed the best years of his life over in his head. 

He'd be better tomorrow. He told himself over and over; he'd be better tomorrow.

**Author's Note:**

> In hindsight, this fic really had a lot to do with my own shit, it was quite cathartic writing it at the time. I'm not usually into TOTALLY WRECKING the characters I love, but sometimes you just have to make them bleed and wail! Rin's tears are my life blood.


End file.
